At the beginning of this year, I set the intention to have some stillness and time to deep clean. This project has pushed me to clarify and re-organize my understanding of yoga, but it also came at a time of year when there are many other things going on.

It is such a treat for me to have a reason to study these topics, and I can’t wait to finish the series. I hope to release the remaining 8 episodes within the next couple weeks. I’ll publish here, so keep your eyes peeled!

Lunar New Year at Karma Yoga

In lieu of regular mini-dharma talks and meditation, I would love to to invite you to some of our Lunar New Year events at the studio.

One of the highlights of my week is our weekly Wednesday Philosophy Nights at the studio at 7:15pm. Each session has a new topic led by a volunteer. Philosophy Nights are free to join, and you are welcome to bring food or drink to share.

Weds., Feb. 7th: “Year of the Dragon”

I’ll be leading next Wednesday, February 7th at 7:15pm with the topic of “Year of Dragon”, with a presentation about the history of the Lunar New Year and some yummy vegetarian food. You can RSVP here to join!

Sat., Feb. 10th: “Lunar New Year Celebration”

I’d also love to invite you to join our Lunar New Year Celebration at the studio on Saturday, February 10th at 4pm. We’ll have some more history, opportunity to learn some calligraphy and maybe a special appearance of fan tai qi. You are also welcome to bring food or drink to share. You can RSVP here to join!

Sun., Feb. 25th: “Deep Clean Windows, Organize Stuff!”

We are having three weekends from 12-3pm, dedicated to deep cleaning the studio as part of our getting ready for the new year. We’re serving a light lunch for our volunteers at 2pm. We’d love if you can join! You can RSVP for 2/25 here.

Sun., Mar. 3rd: “Sofa Cleaning and Bookshelf Repair”

Focused primarily on fixing or cleaning broken furniture. You can RSVP for 3/3 here.

Sat., Mar. 9th: “Bring Your Sander & Spackle”

If you’ve noticed spots on the walls at the studio… this is the time to clean them up! You can RSVP for 3/9 here.

Sun., Mar. 10th: “Painting Walls & Window Sills”

This is the day for finishing touches and putting on our studio’s face for the rest of the year. You can RSVP for 3/10 here.

Thank you for being on this 30-day journey with me!

Cheers to the next 8-days coming in their own time :)

Other translations include non-attachment, non-craving or non-coveting.

Yesterday we ended up covering two Yamas in one segment, using a parable to discuss how coveting led to stealing radioactive waste (see corrections).

Aparigraha is one of the most Buddhist of the Yamas. In Buddhism, attachment or craving is the source of suffering in life. So I’m very amused that I mixed this one up with non-stealing or asteya.

Today, we’ll bring our focus back to aparigraha, non-grasping, or non-attachment.

Over the weekend, I had the experience of having dinner in a restaurant, and observing one very loud group nearby. Immediately, the group got a lot of attention, as one of the couples had already had drinks before dinner, and the woman had a very low cut top. Most of the diners nearby had negative responses. Not only were they loud, but the energy was spilling out onto everyone in the small restaurant.

One thing I noticed was the sense of sadness and hunger I felt from the woman. It felt like she was grasping at everything around her. Taking big, loud laughs that pierced the room. There was an edge and a demand to be noticed. Her boyfriend or partner, was also in a state of grasping, as he was scanning around the room. Both of them had very strong, grasping energies. And it was certainly touching others!

In my mind’s eye, I see these energies as tendrils coming out of the chest or body, hungrily waving around, searching for contact. Not unlike an alien movie. The hungrier the bigger and more slimy the tendrils.

Now, I know what it’s like to have tendrils. It’s how I feel when I am stressed and scrolling on social media. I feel a hunger or pain in my belly, looking for something to make it stop hurting, but not quite not knowing what I’m looking for. Each post or piece of news in the feed gives me a little hit, which both stops the pain, and feeds the pain. For one half of a second, the pain is relieved before coming back stronger. Eventually I am scrolling in a daze, and not even really consuming the media anymore.

These tendrils, take a lot of energy. They also keep us attached to this world.

You can imagine that our nerves are like plant roots from the brain into the body. Our nerves keep our spirit attached to our bodies from the brain to our spinal column and out into anywhere that we can feel sensation.

Our desires or attachments, are like the roots or tendrils that bind our spirit to this self. In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, it is stated that when non-attachment is attained, the student gains awareness of past lives, learns the purpose of this life and past lives, gains the understanding of cause and effect, and understands what is remaining to be learned before liberation (Art of Living).

While I haven’t gotten there yet in my own personal practice, I do think it makes sense that once we stop putting tendrils outwards that keep us attached to our selves in this life, that our energy would start to flow more vertically, into the spaces that connect us with past and future.

Now, our aim is not to cut the tendrils away! They are an important part of how we connect with others. For our meditation today, I’d like to focus on gently drawing our tendrils back in, non-grasping.

In the material sense, asteya is also translated as non-stealing. Alongside, aparigraha or non-attachment, these two Yamas parallel two of our Biblical Ten Commandments: “Though shalt not steal” and “Thou shalt not covet.”

On the surface level, stealing can cause external harm to the person you’re stealing from and cause chaos within the community. On the internal level, coveting can cause internal harm and chaos within ourselves.

I want to start with one of my favorite stories. In a science fiction future, there is a new train run on a secret energy source. It has almost unlimited energy, and appears to runs cleanly and smoothly without ever stopping. It’s energy source is as well a guarded secret as the recipe for Coca-Cola. A group of rival train companies, secretly gather to infiltrate the train and steal their energy source.

They plan for months, pretending to be employees and customers. Finally under cover of the dark moon they infiltrate the train. On board notice an odd energy of tiredness and sunkennes in the employees. It’s not what they expected from their rivals, but they don’t let the thought distract them from their mission. They covertly bypass the security protocols, overwhelming the guard at the front of the train. There is a door quietly humming with a cold heat, a sense of a glow emanating from inside… as they open the latch, they find what looks like blue coals. They are both hot and cold to the touch. Excitedly they fill their bags grasping every last of the cold, blue coals. The train slowly comes to a stop. Filled with glee, they run off the train.

As it turns out, those cold, blue coals were radioactive waste. What a blessing for this rival company. Since they’d developed a successful venture on the waste, long-suffering they hadn’t the forbearance to remove the waste themselves.

I want to focus our meditation on letting go of our belongings and attachments. Letting go of our nuclear waste, our insecurities that might energize and poison us. Letting go of our possessions that compel us to earn more to buy more, or take what isn't freely offered. Releasing our grasp, our desire to steal.

Have you ever coveted or stolen? Were there consequences later?

Have you ever been stolen from? Were you grateful later?

What would you need, in your heart, to not covet or grasp? What would you need in your heart to not steal, or grasp at things?

Are there times in your life when you feel particularly prone to grasping? Times when you feel very content?

Let’s focus our meditation today on gratitude and abundance.

Aparigraha is often used in reference to material possessions, such as excessive shopping, stealing or hoarding. At a deeper level, it is not just material possessions.

To learn more, let’s break down the word in Sanskrit. “Pari” means ‘everything’; “graha” means ‘to grab’; the prefix “a” means ‘non’, the same way that “atypical” means ‘not typical’. All together, “aparigraha” means ‘not grasping at everything.’

As with most things yoga related, we work outside in. Starting with our actions that relate to grasping – inability to let go, hoarding; insatiable grasping for more, excessive shopping or making money; grasping for what is not for us, stealing.

If we look back to the first moment of grasping, with most of us – it would have been at birth. Immediately we throw our arms open and start opening and closing our hands. We cry out gasping and grasping for air. Usually it’s pretty shocking because we’ve just spent a good amount of time in liquid. As we grow, we hunger for milk and greedily latch on. As children grow, they may reach up and grasp to be held.

Now, there are many theories about child development that I won’t go into here, but as we develop – usually with the help of our parents, families and culture – we usually level out or calibrate our desires with the reality. We learn to tame our more intense cravings or grasping. We slowly learn to stop throwing tantrums or having meltdowns.

But usually, the grasping never quite leaves. It just, evolves. What might have started with a difficult journey down the birth canal, leaving us with a terror of not getting enough air, leaving us with a habit of somewhat shallow exhales and greedy inhales… might evolve into a general feeling of terror that we won’t get enough affirmation, leaving us with a habit of never quite finishing projects and greedily starting new ones.

That’s just one example. The mystery and beauty of our human lives is the sheer complexity of our development. To a certain extent, even the most educated and conscious parent can’t control for the development of their child, and certain aspects of personality development are left up to God, biology, genetics, random chance or karma; depending on how you look at things.

Breath is one of those body functions that is a two-way street between mind and body. So it’s a great way to look at grasping at the deep level where mind meets body.

Until we die, our breath will always continue – whether we choose to breathe or not. Not a single person who is alive, has not breathed for an hour. Yet no one stays awake a decides to breathe through the night, our bodies take over. Not only are there countless breaths being breathed across the world at any given time, there are an infinitude of ways to breathe. And no way is wrong!

If you are a yogi or meditator, you may have moved through phases in your relationship with breath.

First.

One of the first stages in my relationship with breath, was realizing that when instructed to take a deep belly breath, I couldn’t!

I developed quite a complex around it, spinning in all sorts of directions about why I couldn’t breath correctly, etc. With time, I realized that I spent so much time in my youth trying to flatten my stomach, that I literally held my stomach tight and flat for most of my 10 public, waking hours. I had such a grasping to keep a desirable appearance, that after nearly 20 years of this conditioning, I literally could not let go of my belly. It was as if I had spent 20 years in a corset!

Now, as a yoga instructor, one of my favorite cues is, “allow your belly to fall open; what happens when you allow the lowest part of your low belly, to fall open?”

Second.

The next phase in my breath development, was realizing that I actually struggle to take inhales, especially when anxious. My natural breath ceases to flow and becomes uncomfortable. My exhales will continue and continue and continue… until deep in my low belly, a cluster of muscles begins to grasp, stopping the inhale from starting. If I focus very spaciously and quietly on that part of my low belly belly, eventually the cramp will release and the inhale will naturally begin.

When I tune in even deeper, there is an incredible yearning for the possibility of the new breath, and a fear at the same time, resulting in my lower body clenching and curling in, all very subtly with each breath.

You can imagine that entire saga is occurring 20 times a minute. As a functioning adult, I don’t have time for this! So I power through and use my mind to force myself to breathe, even though my body is not quite flowing naturally.

And so, our breath.. is an incredible cue to the state of aparigraha. If we are grasping, we will usually see it in our breath.

Let’s experiment by exploring our breath. As usual, let’s clear our mind-body palette with a short body scan. Find a comfortable seat.

It is common in both Buddhist and yogic frameworks to refrain from eating animal meat such as pork or beef; some also refrain from byproducts such as cheese or milk.

In Hinduism, cows are viewed as holy animals, representing the Mother Goddess, offering nourishing milk. In India, cows wander the streets freely and cars move around them in traffic.

In Jainism, which is also based in India, ahimsa or non-harm extends to anything alive including plants. Ten classifications are made to count the number of senses and vitalities that a being has: the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch and smell; and the five vitalities of having energy, respiration, life-duration, organ of speech and mind.

Root plants such as potatoes or garlic are not eaten because it would kill the entire plant to eat, and would injure insects living near the soil. Leafy plants are eaten, because they can be harvested without injuring the plant. Mosquitoes and ants are not killed, but swept aside. See the attachment for classifications of beings.

In Buddhism, as in Jainism, eating meat is viewed practically. If the goal of yoga or spiritual practice is to attain moksha or enlightenment by cleansing our body of samskars, the knots of craving and aversion that live between our minds and bodies, then according to this understanding, by eating an animal – in addition to causing harm, we are taking their cravings and aversions into our bodies.

In more modern movements, we now have vegan and vegetarian movements centered around not wanting to inflict unnecessary harm or cruelty to animals, especially from modern industrial farming, where animals live in great suffering.

There are three stories about eating meat in the context of spiritual practice that I would like to share here:

1. The Buddha. After Gotama Buddha attained enlightenment around 2,500 years ago, he traveled with a group of disciples, living in the tradition of monks, by asking for alms. Each morning the traveling monks would take their empty bowls, going door to door, asking for food. Some villages only had meat to offer, and in the case of having only meat to eat, the monks were allowed to eat meat rather than to starve. When the Buddha died, he had become ill from eating pork soup that had gone bad. According to some versions of the tale, he knew the soup was bad but decided to eat it because it was what was offered and it was his time.

2. The Ungrounded Student. In some meditation communities where practice is very austere with prolonged periods of meditation and a vegetarian diet with fasting, some students can become ungrounded. A vegetarian diet can tend to make one feel lighter in their bodies, while meditation can stir up a lot of mental and spiritual activity. Sometimes, the mind becomes like a balloon tethered by a thin string on a windy day, unable to remain stable, getting wrapped around. At this point, the equanimity is lost, and the student may become manic. At this point, it is recommended that the student take red meat, to develop heaviness and grounding in the body, before continuing with spiritual practices again.

3. The Skeptical Student. One of my meditation teachers, S.N. Goenka, always recommends that you do what makes sense. If the vegetarian diet doesn’t make sense for you, don’t do it until it does. While you are in yogic or monastic environments, of course following the dietary restrictions. Perhaps you might try a vegan or vegetarian diet out of curiosity. But, if it really doesn’t make sense to you, then don’t do it until it does. In its own time, the understanding and desire not to harm will come naturally as part of a spiritual practice.

With all these different frameworks, what diet makes sense for you? If you do want to refrain from eating meat or animal products, how will you still nourish your body with the necessary vitamins and proteins? How can you engage in ahimsa or non-harm in your eating, while also practicing non-harm towards yourself?

Today, our meditation is going to focus on a contemplation of the experience of other life forms, closing with loving-kindness or metta for all beings.

📎 Attachment: Jain Classification of Beings by Senses

In the yogic framework, it’s not just our actions that matter but our intentions. Our deep intentions, come from the space between our minds and bodies, the same place where samskars are stored. When we practice yoga, our aim is to use our life experiences to work our way in to the deepest level of our intentions.

While there may be times that we want to conceal our true intentions from others, we can easily get into the habit of concealing even our true intentions from ourselves. When our true intentions are hidden from even ourselves, how can we truly know if we are practicing non-harm?

On the most surface level, we can see if anyone was physically injured by our actions. One layer deeper, we look to see if our actions might have caused mental or emotional harm. One layer beyond this, we look to see the outward ripples of our actions. One layer within, we look to see our own intent and the impact on ourselves.

I know that I personally experienced a lot of guilt and shame around simply being alive and being human. I was keenly aware of how much greenhouse gas emissions come from my transportation, and the amount of paper and plastic waste generated to keep me alive, the amount of agriculture and farming to keep me fed. That other people in the world weren’t getting as much food or housing as I was. For a long time, I genuinely felt that humans were parasites, and that the best thing I could do was to choose not to reproduce – or at least, not have too many children. Yikes!

Imagine thinking about yourself and your loved ones as parasites! I eventually developed an experiential and financial anorexia of sorts. Even though I was a devout atheist, I still viewed everything in terms of penance. Every paper I recycled, every good environmental deed I accomplished, was penance for being a human.

So. Were my deeds harmful – or not harmful? Arguably, both. On the surface level, I was recycling and doing small and consistent actions to help other beings on our shared earth. On a deeper level, each act came with a little bit of self-loathing and self-punishment. Each time I acted with this intention, it was like a tiny strike against the fabric of my mind and body. Over time, I developed both anxiety and existential despair, which led in part, to a spiritual path.

Each person walks their own path inward. For some, my path would have been glaringly obvious. I’m sure some people I met felt like they were eating popcorn and watching the very predictable movie of my eventual burnout. But, for me, and for you – there will be parts of your path that you simply need to walk your way.

Eventually my path turned towards nourishing that same human experience which I’d rejected so early on. I realized that while religion didn’t make sense to me at the time, it was something that undeniably felt very nice. I don’t know why or if I truly exist, I don’t know why we’re all here.

But as long as I’m here in this shape and form, I think it’s more than okay to include myself in the equation of universal happiness. After all, isn’t it a bit self-centered to wish that the whole universe is happy except for me?

And with that, I’d like to focus our meditation today on loving-kindness meditation. A practice to cultivate the intention of deep compassion.

In Sanskrit, “a” means “non-” in the same way that “atypical” means “not typical”. “Himsa” means harm. We can understanding “ahimsa” as non-harm, perhaps even non-violence, and on the opposite side, as acting in harmony or kindness.

The Yamas are typically viewed as restraints, duties to others, social obligations or moral conduct outwards. While the Niyamas, “ni” meaning inward, are your duties or obligations to yourself, as a yoga student.

In the Patanjali Sutras, ahimsa is understood first as non-harm to others. It is commonly also understood as non-harm to self as well. Primarily, ahimsa is related to diet, not eating animals, not engaging in harmful speech, and not engaging in harmful actions towards others.

When we examine the root causes of harmful speech or harmful actions, it comes down to ignorance or confusion. If we were fully aware to our deepest level of being, in union with the divine, we would see and feel that harm to others is a harm to ourselves, and harm to ourselves is a harm to others.

Ignorance is lack of awareness, not seeing or knowing something. Confusion is a bit more complicated. At the deepest level, the concept of ego or self is viewed as a confusion, a veil of ‘maya’ or delusion. If the supreme reality is that we are all connected, and self is the illusion, then outward harm and inward harm are the same.

One of my meditation teachers S. N. Goenka, shared a story of what do you do when you witness a man in a rage, striking and beating another man. First, recognize that both men are victims. The aggressor is the first victim of harmful thoughts, leading to harmful actions against the second man. With the understanding that both men are victims, how do you intervene? Likely, first using your voice, “Hey! Stop!” - if that doesn’t work, and it’s not harmful to yourself, possibly physically intervening.

If the man who is in a rage is so confused, continuing to strike and attack, you might even need to strike him until he stops! This is where martial arts comes in. How do you skillfully defend yourself in such a way that does not harm the other? How do you strike in the way that delivers the least damage? Maybe you know some pressure points, and are skilled enough to be able to strike in such a way that knocks the man out, without harming him. Or maybe you don’t and there’s some collateral damage in our effort to stop him from harming someone else.

It takes skill to learn how not to harm people in a martial art. In the same way, it takes great skill to learn how to not harm people with our thoughts, words and actions.

This is the practice of ahimsa.

Here is a quote so popular, that the true origins are unknown. Variations of this quote are often ascribed to Gandhi and Lao Zi, writer of the Dao De Jing.

In the same way we’ve been gently following lines of sensation in our bodies, let’s take some time here to follow the lines of our action. When we decide to act, what thought comes first, what body sensation, what emotions? And how does this shape our character, the momentum and direction of our lives, our destiny?

We’re going to explore one of our recent actions, that was a little bit harmful. Not too harmful, but a little bit. One where we knew it would be harmful beforehand, and chose to do it anyway. Take a couple moments to find your moment. (pause)

Before we explore our moment, let’s first slow things down and get settled with a gentle body scan.

Today, we’ll talk about building a path for brahmacharya. The daily rituals, placing one cobblestone at a time, cultivating the habits and behaviors to build a path that leads out of suffering, or to connection with the divine.

These are behaviors that cultivate both presence and equanimity. We are not aiming to disengage with life, but to experience life with the ‘right energy’. When are fully present with a sense of equanimity, we can experience non-suffering or divine connection. If we are distracted, or locked in a cycle of seeking or avoiding sensation, we might be stuck in our own loops and not able to experience a divine connection even if it were there tapping us on the shoulder!

Eating is a wonderful example of striking the balance with ‘right energy’. You might have heard of the Japanese recommendation to only eat to 80% full. Chinese Confucian culture recommends “吃飯七分飽、三分寒” - “only eat 70 percent full, and wear 30 percent less”; while Indian Ayurvedic medicine believes “you should fill one third of the stomach with liquid, another third with food, and leave the rest empty.”

While caloric restriction might be beneficial for our bodies, what about the spiritual side? How does mindfully moderating how we eat, lead to divine connection?

When we can live all aspects of our life, presently and with equanimity, this is the recipe for moksha or enlightenment; non-suffering; divine connection.

Eating is such a universal, primal need. Only breathing is more necessary. When we can work with our urges which reside at the deepest level of mind and body, such as eating, our cultivation of ‘right energy’ flows out to our outermost experiences.

It is not about the food, it's about the energy of eating. It’s not about each cobblestone, it’s about walking the path.

So let’s take some time to contemplate areas in your life where you some limits or restraints might be useful.

Yesterday, we reflected on our relationship with the divine. Today, we’re going to focus on tending our hindrances. Our habits or actions that tend to lead us away from connection to the divine or towards suffering.

Hindrances that we can’t seem to stop doing, like addictions, tend to be both comforting and painful at the same time. Like eating a chocolate covered ghost pepper, you may continue to feel the pain long after you’ve enjoyed the chocolate.

I want to bring this back to a practical, felt sense. I know that for people who don’t consider themselves religious or spiritual, the concept of a divine connection seems abstract or unreal. Another metric you can use is the felt sense. If my body at a deep level is feeling expansive, connected, in flow and grounded – to me, that’s the felt sense of a divine connection. If my body at a deep level is feeling tense, lonely, stuck and inflamed – that’s the felt sense of deep suffering, moving away from the divine.

Whether we are spiritual or not, we can all probably agree that we don’t want to feel tense, lonely, stuck or inflamed!

So let’s take a couple moments to tend to a hindrance that you struggle with. (pause)

Let’s start by slowing things down and getting settled in our bodies with a body scan.

“Brahma” is the Sanskrit word for the Creator, one of the major gods of Creation in the Hindu and Vedic pantheon, referenced as early as 3,000 years ago (or 1,000 years BCE) and as late as 2,000 years ago around the start of the Common Era.

As my friend taught us, Hinduism is a form of polymorphic monotheism. You can understand that all the deities are different faces or forms of the ultimate divine; so we can understand “Brahma” as the divine.

“Charya” is the Sanskrit word for behavior. “Brahmacharya” can be understood as ‘behaviors that lead to the divine’. It is most commonly connected with sexual restraint; for the unmarried to practice celibacy, and the married to practice fidelity.

More recently, it has been expanded to ‘right energy’ - not just in sexual restraint, but also in regards to eating, alcohol use or television consumption. When we get caught in the cycle of gratification and seeking for these things, we dissipate our energies and and are not able to focus on spiritual teachings, practice or investigation.

So, let’s take a couple moments to reflect on your connection with the divine. Do you believe there is a divine source? A universal power or energy? (pause)

If you can conceive of a divine or universal source, how or when do you experience connection to the divine? Is it during prayer, in nature, during mass, over your morning cup of tea or coffee, during kirtan, playing with your children, in your garden, at night, in the morning, in meditation or during yoga class? Is it all the time, or just sometimes? Some moments louder than others? (pause)

It can be lovely to think about having a relationship with the divine. What is your relationship with the divine? Is it generally positive, a bit iffy, is there some resentment, do you feel some anxious or avoidant tendencies? (pause)

One story resonated with me, which I’ll share here.

A woman went into the forest, passionately seeking to connect with Krishna, her personification of the divine. She found a quiet spot and wept and prayed, calling out for Krishna. Krishna arrived, and tapped her on the shoulder. With her eyes closed, she shrugged him away, “Don’t disturb me!” she barked, “can’t you see I’m waiting for Krishna?” In this story, Krishna tapped her a couple more times on the shoulder before leaving.

What behaviors do you think would bring you closer to the divine? Are there some times when maybe, the divine connection is there - but you’re distracted? How could you make more space to notice or be present with the divine?

Let’s get into our felt sense with the divine a bit more through meditation. We’ll get started with a body scan, to cleanse the palette of our mind and body.

It is the burning desire for our meditation practice, our reason for showing up, for listening to the challenge today, and for sitting down on our meditation cushion.

One aspect of tapas which I’ve alluded to, is the purifying aspect of fire. In the Patanjali sutras, it is referred to as a cleansing fire or internal heat, developed through vigorous yoga or meditation practice, that burns away our samskars - or our knots of craving and aversion that live in the space between our mind and body.

I am careful to use the word tapas with the concept of purity, because it can create quite the intense drive to cleanse oneself! That drive itself is not entirely a bad thing, it’s nice to take a shower once in a while after all, but taken too far, it can be harmful to yourself and others.

For this reason, I like to imagine tapas with both cleansing and energizing qualities.

So how do we develop a sustainable, clean-burning fuel of desire for our meditation practice? Let’s investigate the source of our fires.

We’ll do an exercise, which if you have toddlers - you may know this as the why game - which can be equally lovely and frustrating! As an add-on to the game, we’re also going to include what we’re feeling in our bodies.

By playing the “why, where and how” game, we can trace to the source of our desire.

The game is simple, listen to what you want - and ask why you want it.

Notice where and how the desire feels in your body.

As we discussed yesterday, just as with cooking - if the flame is too high, the food gets burned; if the flame is too low, the food doesn’t cook.

Switching metaphors now, to seeds. You can imagine that certain parts of your spiritual development are like seeds. We nurture the soil, till the fields and plant the seeds of our spiritual development. But, some seeds - need fire to crack open. Some seeds, need soft and tender soil with gentle, warm sun. Some fruits ripen to full sweetness only after a drought.

It is up to you, to explore and see which areas of your spiritual development could use more tapas or fire, discipline; and which areas could use more softness. What may look like discipline to another, may be easy and enjoyable for you. What may seem easy or enjoyable to you, may look challenging to another. There may be layers, such as where your default may to be to push and challenge - so ease, will be your challenge. Or where your default is to stay in the comfort zone - so getting into your edge is the challenge. It is your garden to grow.

What is it that gets you onto the meditation cushion or yoga mat? What is the thought, or burning desire – that drives you to carve out time to meditate?

“Tapas” can be a double-edged sword, it can be what gets you onto the cushion – but it can also drive such fervor and intensity that the equanimity of practice gets lost. It is up to each of us, to develop and refine our own tapas: to develop the skill to turn the fire up or down, and to develop a sustainable, clean-burning fuel of desire.

I’ll share a little of my own experience with tapas, which is a story that is not unique.

Nearly 10 years ago, in 2015, I was in my mid-20s and burning with desire for success and self-mastery. I’d struggled with burning out, and heard that meditation would give me better focus and endurance. So I did my first 10-day meditation retreat – which was more like a meditation bootcamp. As prescribed, I came away doing an hour of meditation each morning and evening, hoping to burn away my impurities and become a more lean, efficient and successful version of myself.

Several years earlier, I had developed a burning desire for hot yoga and power yoga. I would jog 3 miles to the local studio, do hot power yoga, and jog back. I had a lot of energy and expectations, and wanted to make something of myself.

As I experienced large disappointments in my late-20s, I doubled down in my fervor for self-improvement and self-mastery – and ended up getting cooked.

None of this is a surprise. When I was young, and to this day, I struggle with using too much fire to cook. I like the immediate, intensity of a large flame – and usually end up burning my food and have the extra work of cleaning a charred pan.

As I turned up the fervor of both my ambition and my meditation practice, the disappointments became greater. The frying pan of my body was getting charred, there was an acrid smoke of burnt oils – and I had become like a crazed and unskilled surgeon, wildly cutting this and that.

Luckily, even though I was flailing in the deep end – on some level I was still practicing. Slowly, but surely, I gained clarity and insight – and began to discover how much sorrow, and the resulting self-hatred, were actually driving my practice.

Oh boy. Not fun when you realize that is what is driving your practice. I thought I was going to become a Michaelangela or the youngest enlightened female Buddha.

So, I took off my surgeon’s robes, put down the scalpels, turned off the fire – and took a break from practice to process my sorrow and grief – before returning to my practice, with a little more skill and experience.

I share this story – because, like I said, it is not unique. We see yoga-related injuries in the studios often, usually repeated stress injuries in the wrists or shoulders. In football, we see concussions. In cross country running, we see stress fractures in the shins. In meditation, we see young men (or women like me) – striving for self-mastery and developing meditation-induced dissociation, mania or psychosis.

So. Use your fire, wisely.

How do we do that? Let’s get started with noticing how and where we feel our tapas. Tomorrow we will cover practical methods for how you can turn the fire up or down.

Today, our focus will be on truthfulness of community. In Buddhist, we have the concept of the Triple Gem that will keep you on the spiritual path. The Triple Gem consists of the Buddha, the Dharma and Sangha.

Translating this into a yogic framework, we can understand this as the Guru, the 8 Limbs of Yoga and Satsang. You might notice the sound “sang” in both Sangha and Satsang. They come from the same Sanskrit roots, of “sang” or “sangha” meaning “association, company or community.”

If you’re like me, you might be wondering: Why do we need a community in our spiritual path? Why do we need a Guru? Can’t we just do the 8 Limbs or follow the Dharma ourselves?

The spiritual path can be challenging. As humans we all have blindspots, as one member of our Satsang shared yesterday. We have blindspots literally in our eyes, and also in regard to ourselves. There are parts of our soul or spirit that we cannot see. In our development, we benefit from the sight and wisdom of a Guru or teacher such as Buddha. We also benefit from a group or Satsang where we can share ideas and lean on for support when we face difficulties or need another perspective.

Today, our focus will be on truthfulness of sight. Vipassana means to “see things as they really are” - rather than how we want them to be. It is an ancient technique discovered by Gotama Buddha about 2,500 years ago in Northern India.

At this time in India, there were many sages and teachers, practicing many kinds of meditation and spiritual practices. Several hundred years later, by the the 2nd century BCE, a sage by the name of Patanjali compiled yogic texts into the 8 Limbs of Yoga and the Yamas and Niyamas that we are discussing today.

When we practice body scan, we are practicing a form of Vipassana. Learning how to be spiritual scientists, observers of our own mind and body. Our body sensation is one channel which we can observe. Such as, what happens when you sit and notice the skin of your hands? (pause)

We have other channels to notice as well, such as sight sensation, taste sensation, smell sensation and hearing sensation. In the Buddhist framework of understanding mind and body, the brain is a receiving organ for thought and emotion sensation - in the same way that the eyes are a receiving organ for light waves, the nose for scent molecules, the tongue for taste and the eardrums for sound waves.

In Western philosophy, we have René Descartes’ quote “I think therefore I am” - the Buddhist philosophy would be slightly different, something along the lines of “I receive thought and through delusion believe that I am.”

What I love about Vipassana as a technique, is that only you can know this for yourself by direct observation. What René Descartes, Buddha, Socrates or Rumi says - is quite likely well-thought out advice and very wise - but only you can know for yourself, by the direct observation, of sitting and observing for yourself, your own mind and body.

Satya is one of the 5 Yamas or restraints of a yoga student. Whereas our previous two topics were Niyamas or inner duties. Yamas relate to how we engage with others, while Niyamas relate to how we engage with ourselves. Similarly to the 10 Commandments, there are things to do - and things not to do. Yamas are the things not to do, but you can also understand that opposites - are things to do.

Satya, means non-falsehood - on the other side, it also means truthfulness.

Today, our focus will be on truthfulness of speech. There is a common quote which holds so much wisdom that it is commonly attributed to three wise men: Socrates, Rumi and Buddha. Even though the origins of this quote remain obscure, the wisdom is clear. Before speaking, ask yourself, “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it the right time?”

If you ask yourself this before speaking any sentence, I bet the results will be surprising! We can often tend to smooth minor discomforts over with white lies. Rather than tell a friend that we actually don’t like a certain dish they cooked, we might say it was delicious. Rather than tell a date that we’re not interested, we might fade away and stop responding to their messages. Rather than give someone direct feedback, we might leave an anonymous negative review.

The tendency toward white lies doesn’t meant that we’re bad people, rather that we are human - and we have a sense that sharing our feelings might hurt the other person, and out of kindness - or not wanting to deal with the impact - we find a way to avoid. But is there a cost to even small lies?

As we are the observers in this yoga experiment, it is important to learn about the lens through which we see - and feel - our lives. In today’s meditation challenge, we focus on mapping the grooves of our samskars, learning to read the story of us.

In Day 2, Meeting Samskars with Sun Salutations, we reviewed samskars - or sankaras - knots of craving and aversion that live where the mind and body meet. Another way of looking at samskars are like the grooves that water leaves behind. What begins as a trickle of water, becomes a stream and then eventually a canyon.

Imagine that each thought is like a trickle of water. The energy of craving or aversion grooves down into the substrate of the mind and body, leaving deeper and deeper grooves with time and repetition. Over time, the grooves become well-established in our minds and bodies, in the same way that rivers become well-established over land.

S. N. Goenka described the concept of reincarnation and samskars in this lovely way. At the end of the day, what do you remember most? The two or three most impactful or memorable things. At the end of the week? The two or three most impactful things. At the end of a year? Two or three things. At the end of a lifetime? Two or three things.

At the ends of our lifetimes, most of us are left with a couple Grand Canyon-size grooves in our psyches. When the energy of the next life rushes in, like a torrent of water, it rushes down and splashes up from these canyons enough energy to start the imprint for the next life. In this theory, we come into our lives - with the deepest samskars of our past life - already present in our minds and bodies.

We might experience these in-born samskars in the personality we come into the world with, talents, affinities or phobias. Regardless of how we get them, from a past life or this one, eventually - we all end up with a map of our own samskars.

Depending on our map, we see and experience the world in different ways. One person may experience the exact same amount of rain, and have a flood; another has a drought; another has wonderfully irrigated fields; while another might barely notice.

So, let’s take a couple moments to begin to visualize the terrain of our psyches. Gently closing your eyes, find an easy seat. Begin to steady the mind by focusing on breath - the natural rise and fall of the belly. Noticing the hands, fingers; feet, toes.

We’re going to bring in some rainy weather, and watch where the water goes. Call in to your mind’s eye the memory of an experience with some emotional charge - but not too much. Maybe an odd traffic incident - or a strange interaction with a neighbor.

As you recall this incident, where do you begin to feel things in your body? What thoughts or emotions are arising? See if you can remain an observer, and keep some distance from any narratives that might arise.

Bring your awareness to where you feel the most intense sensations in your body. Perhaps it was in the chest, the belly, or maybe the shoulders. Notice if your body is having a reaction - like curling in, shallow breath or shoulders crunching. Notice the quality and intensity of the sensation.

If it’s very painful and drawing you in, shift your awareness to the edges of the sensation, until you’re able to notice with some distance. Notice any thought or emotion sensation that might arise. Notice where in your body you might feel sensation, and shift focus to the next most intense sensation.

As before, notice the quality and intensity of the sensation. Is it pin pointed and intense, or spread over a large area and dull? Is it a mix of pleasant or exciting sensation, mixed with heavy or unpleasant sensation? Notice the qualities. Notice if your body is having a reaction - like curling in, shallow breath or shoulders crunching.

Once again, if it’s very painful and drawing you in, shift your awareness to the edges of the sensation, until you’re able to notice with some distance. Notice any thought or emotion sensation that might arise. Notice where in your body you might feel sensation, and shift focus to the next most intense sensation. And so on.

In this way, you can gently map and follow the grooves of samskars in your mind and body. Like the ancient sea-faring explorers, you can begin to draw maps, and slowly gain a deeper understanding of how you see and experience the world.

If you felt tempted to dive into the painful sensations, you are not alone! Like in massage, if you have a very deep trigger point - a knot of muscle and accumulated fibrous connective tissues - it’s going to be very painful.

It can be tempting to want to “get rid” of the muscle knot by digging your thumbs right into the center and trying to push it out - but if any of you have tried that with a muscle knot or a cramp - you know that method does not work! It’s the same way with the knots of samskars in our minds and bodies. Just like in massage, we first map and work the edges, before making our way in - and even then, carefully and compassionately. There’s a reason after all, that these knots are there.

As we are the observers in this yoga experiment, it is important to learn about the lens through which we see. We'll focus on unraveling the narrative of the story of us, and explore re-weaving the story into a cohesive whole, where even the unpleasant parts have a place, a meaning and a purpose.

There is an ancient Chinese parable about a man and his horse. A long time ago, in a small, farming village in ancient China, a man lived with his young son and prized stallion. One day, his stallion ran away, and he thought, “what a misfortune, I have lost my prized stallion!” - days later, the stallion returns with a group of mares. “What a blessing, I now have three more horses!” - his son is thrown while breaking one of the mares, and he is distraught - “What a misfortune! My son cannot walk or work the farm.” - weeks later, while the boy is recovering, war breaks out in the kingdom. All the young and able-bodied men were called to fight, and few make it back home. “What a great blessing,” the man said, “that my son was not called to war and is still alive.”

In the same way, there may be some parts of our lives that didn't go as planned - or that felt like bad news at first. Or some wonderful things that ended up becoming hard lessons.

For today’s meditation, we are going to give our life stories the silver screen. Finding an easy seat… imagine that you are sitting in a large movie theater, the room is dark around you and the seats are empty - nothing but the whir of the projector and the bright beam of light shining onto the large screen in front of you.

If we allow the thoughts and images in our minds to take full screen and center stage, the movie might end up being jumbled or erratic - as various images jumping across time flash across the mind’s eye. So let’s focus a bit, starting with closing the eyes - focusing on natural rise and fall of the breath. In… and out… hands, feet. Sound.

In our bodies we have many channels and systems for processing things. Our muscles remember piano tunes from childhood, we might find ourselves humming a song we don’t know the words to, or we might have a series of memories linked together by nothing but a strong emotion. The work of unpacking a life’s narrative is more than we have time for today.

Let's start by noticing what is top of mind. If you know something has been coming up, try giving it the screen. Clearing space, noticing breath… are there are stories, images or emotions that flash onto the screen? Are they blurry, or quiet - give it some time, some focus - see if you can hear, see more clearly.

Try focusing on just one scene, that’s on the edge of your comfort and discomfort. Something has a twinge of unfinished business, but not too much of a twinge! Imagine watching the scene with yourself, as if in a movie. Where is the camera placed? Are you front and center, close up or from a distance? What are the details of the background, the clothing? How can you show any scents or smells? Who else is in the scene? Where are they, relative to you. What are the scenes of the interactions like? What we’re doing is pulling in all our processing systems, like having many script writers, audio-engineers, directors and producers all working together to place one cohesive story on the big screen of your mind’s eye.

As the scene closes… notice where this scene fits within your entire life narrative. Knowing that there are many movies you could make with the content of your life. You could likely make an epic autobiography, a superhero movie, a thriller or a comedy.

Sometimes, it can be funny when the plot and music don’t match. For example, watching a slap stick comedy routine set to horror movie music. This can be what happens when the our mental narrative diverges from the body’s felt sense.

Perhaps, for the rest of today - take some time to watch the unedited cuts of your life story. Imagine that you’re a director, and your team is showing you their work. It’s your job to ask for re-writes, discover and resolve miscommunications between your teams, and eventually craft and set the tone for your life’s narrative.

We’ll now leave the movie theater, throw away our popcorn and cups, reflect on the movie - and make our way back home - to this body, this moment, sitting here on the meditation cushion. Noticing your breath, body, hands feet, sounds around you, sight of light behind your eye lids. We are no longer in a movie, now our job is living day to day, moment to moment. But still, our narrative making systems are working behind the scenes. And that’s okay, because it’s quite an amazing ability and it’s their jobs to work behind the scenes while we do the work of navigating and living moment to moment.

See if it was helpful to set aside time to “go to the movie theater” see your life’s narrative. Notice if the mood of the narrative continues, or impacts how the narrative of your day unfolds.

No matter our backgrounds, whether we come from medicine, science or psychology - it’s important to come to self-study with an open-minded, a sense of curiosity.

As we’ve done in the last section focusing on saucha, we will do a body scan - this time, gently pulling on the threads. Noticing what stories - thoughts or emotions - come along with the body sensation.

This is something that you can do during the day, or during your yoga practice - especially in slower classes such as Yin Yoga or Restorative Yoga.

How we meditate, is important. Noticing the energy, your intention behind sitting down on the cushion can be just as important as the practice of meditation itself. Depending on where you're at, different meditation practices will be appropriate. If your mind is racing for example, then anapana - or breath meditation - might be more appropriate. If your emotions are intense or challenging - then mantra meditation might be more appropriate. Depending on your nature or constitution, it might be easier to work with sound or sight rather than body sensation. Through our 30-Day Challenge, we'll explore a variety of meditation practices, where hopefully you'll be able to develop a sense of what and when is appropriate for you at each sitting.

Our intention behind meditating is very important. Meditation is an ancient surgical technique, and you are the surgeon. It is important to treat yourself kindly. When we begin to peel away the comforting layers of illusion and begin seeing things as they are, it can feel physically intense. We might become overcome with tiredness or agitation, and not want to continue. There are times when it is appropriate to take a break from meditation, and go watch television or take a walk. There's a reason why we have comforting layers of craving and aversion. Some meditation practices are like surgeries, some are like healing balms, some are inspiring and fill the heart with joy. As you become a healer of your own psyche and body, you'll begin to learn how and when to apply these techniques.

With all my notes of caution, let's proceed. Carefully and kindly. In our theme of cleanliness, we will continue with our body scan meditation - which is like a shower for the subtle space where mind and body meet. As we continue in our 30 Day Challenge, it's important to set up a space, cushion or a blanket for your meditation practice. If you set aside a space in your home, leave the mat and cushion there during the day, so it is easy to sit. If there's not enough space to set aside, then see if you can find a cushion or blanket specifically for your meditations. It is helpful to have a physical item tied to your meditation practice. Over time, this space or item accumulates energy and association with your practice, making it easier each time to practice.

Notice how you feel in your meditation space. Noticing if the floor is clean or picked up, if there are piles, laundry or unmade beds around you. Notice how your environment impacts your state of mind and your practice. Would you feel better cleaning or re-arranging? Are there any scents or smells you might like to add or remove, closing or opening of windows - or would you like to move somewhere else? Feel free to pause here, and take a couple moments to re-adjust.