We are now in the middle of our segment on “ahimsa” translated as non-harm, or not to strike. Ahimsa is one of the 5 Yamas or restraints of a yoga student. The Yamas are primarily focused on how we interact with others.
In the yogic framework, it’s not just our actions that matter but our intentions. Our deep intentions, come from the space between our minds and bodies, the same place where samskars are stored. When we practice yoga, our aim is to use our life experiences to work our way in to the deepest level of our intentions.
While there may be times that we want to conceal our true intentions from others, we can easily get into the habit of concealing even our true intentions from ourselves. When our true intentions are hidden from even ourselves, how can we truly know if we are practicing non-harm?
On the most surface level, we can see if anyone was physically injured by our actions. One layer deeper, we look to see if our actions might have caused mental or emotional harm. One layer beyond this, we look to see the outward ripples of our actions. One layer within, we look to see our own intent and the impact on ourselves.
I know that I personally experienced a lot of guilt and shame around simply being alive and being human. I was keenly aware of how much greenhouse gas emissions come from my transportation, and the amount of paper and plastic waste generated to keep me alive, the amount of agriculture and farming to keep me fed. That other people in the world weren’t getting as much food or housing as I was. For a long time, I genuinely felt that humans were parasites, and that the best thing I could do was to choose not to reproduce – or at least, not have too many children. Yikes!
Imagine thinking about yourself and your loved ones as parasites! I eventually developed an experiential and financial anorexia of sorts. Even though I was a devout atheist, I still viewed everything in terms of penance. Every paper I recycled, every good environmental deed I accomplished, was penance for being a human.
So. Were my deeds harmful – or not harmful? Arguably, both. On the surface level, I was recycling and doing small and consistent actions to help other beings on our shared earth. On a deeper level, each act came with a little bit of self-loathing and self-punishment. Each time I acted with this intention, it was like a tiny strike against the fabric of my mind and body. Over time, I developed both anxiety and existential despair, which led in part, to a spiritual path.
Each person walks their own path inward. For some, my path would have been glaringly obvious. I’m sure some people I met felt like they were eating popcorn and watching the very predictable movie of my eventual burnout. But, for me, and for you – there will be parts of your path that you simply need to walk your way.
Eventually my path turned towards nourishing that same human experience which I’d rejected so early on. I realized that while religion didn’t make sense to me at the time, it was something that undeniably felt very nice. I don’t know why or if I truly exist, I don’t know why we’re all here.
But as long as I’m here in this shape and form, I think it’s more than okay to include myself in the equation of universal happiness. After all, isn’t it a bit self-centered to wish that the whole universe is happy except for me?
And with that, I’d like to focus our meditation today on loving-kindness meditation. A practice to cultivate the intention of deep compassion.
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