Today we are on the second day of "svadhyaya" or self-study. One of the 5 Niyamas or internal vows of a yoga student. Self-Study means understanding of your past, your surroundings, your nature and your intentions.
As we are the observers in this yoga experiment, it is important to learn about the lens through which we see. We'll focus on unraveling the narrative of the story of us, and explore re-weaving the story into a cohesive whole, where even the unpleasant parts have a place, a meaning and a purpose.
There is an ancient Chinese parable about a man and his horse. A long time ago, in a small, farming village in ancient China, a man lived with his young son and prized stallion. One day, his stallion ran away, and he thought, “what a misfortune, I have lost my prized stallion!” - days later, the stallion returns with a group of mares. “What a blessing, I now have three more horses!” - his son is thrown while breaking one of the mares, and he is distraught - “What a misfortune! My son cannot walk or work the farm.” - weeks later, while the boy is recovering, war breaks out in the kingdom. All the young and able-bodied men were called to fight, and few make it back home. “What a great blessing,” the man said, “that my son was not called to war and is still alive.”
In the same way, there may be some parts of our lives that didn't go as planned - or that felt like bad news at first. Or some wonderful things that ended up becoming hard lessons.
For today’s meditation, we are going to give our life stories the silver screen. Finding an easy seat… imagine that you are sitting in a large movie theater, the room is dark around you and the seats are empty - nothing but the whir of the projector and the bright beam of light shining onto the large screen in front of you.
If we allow the thoughts and images in our minds to take full screen and center stage, the movie might end up being jumbled or erratic - as various images jumping across time flash across the mind’s eye. So let’s focus a bit, starting with closing the eyes - focusing on natural rise and fall of the breath. In… and out… hands, feet. Sound.
In our bodies we have many channels and systems for processing things. Our muscles remember piano tunes from childhood, we might find ourselves humming a song we don’t know the words to, or we might have a series of memories linked together by nothing but a strong emotion. The work of unpacking a life’s narrative is more than we have time for today.
Let's start by noticing what is top of mind. If you know something has been coming up, try giving it the screen. Clearing space, noticing breath… are there are stories, images or emotions that flash onto the screen? Are they blurry, or quiet - give it some time, some focus - see if you can hear, see more clearly.
Try focusing on just one scene, that’s on the edge of your comfort and discomfort. Something has a twinge of unfinished business, but not too much of a twinge! Imagine watching the scene with yourself, as if in a movie. Where is the camera placed? Are you front and center, close up or from a distance? What are the details of the background, the clothing? How can you show any scents or smells? Who else is in the scene? Where are they, relative to you. What are the scenes of the interactions like? What we’re doing is pulling in all our processing systems, like having many script writers, audio-engineers, directors and producers all working together to place one cohesive story on the big screen of your mind’s eye.
As the scene closes… notice where this scene fits within your entire life narrative. Knowing that there are many movies you could make with the content of your life. You could likely make an epic autobiography, a superhero movie, a thriller or a comedy.
Sometimes, it can be funny when the plot and music don’t match. For example, watching a slap stick comedy routine set to horror movie music. This can be what happens when the our mental narrative diverges from the body’s felt sense.
Perhaps, for the rest of today - take some time to watch the unedited cuts of your life story. Imagine that you’re a director, and your team is showing you their work. It’s your job to ask for re-writes, discover and resolve miscommunications between your teams, and eventually craft and set the tone for your life’s narrative.
We’ll now leave the movie theater, throw away our popcorn and cups, reflect on the movie - and make our way back home - to this body, this moment, sitting here on the meditation cushion. Noticing your breath, body, hands feet, sounds around you, sight of light behind your eye lids. We are no longer in a movie, now our job is living day to day, moment to moment. But still, our narrative making systems are working behind the scenes. And that’s okay, because it’s quite an amazing ability and it’s their jobs to work behind the scenes while we do the work of navigating and living moment to moment.
See if it was helpful to set aside time to “go to the movie theater” see your life’s narrative. Notice if the mood of the narrative continues, or impacts how the narrative of your day unfolds.
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